So, shockingly, Seth and I have been told that we are “relationship goals” or “marriage goals” and after I lololol for a few minutes, that person will ask, “How do you get along so well?” My response to that question is, “We get a long so well, because we are two unsupervised toddlers in adult bodies.”
I believe if you ask anyone that is close to us, the will 100% agree with you. We love to have fun together. We love to go all out on things, here is just a small example, the new Grinch movie is coming out and we have plans to go to iHOP, eat Grinch pancakes, and then go to the movies and binge out on popcorn and slushies. We love to do these random and childish things whenever we can.
For this blog post, I wanted to write out what makes us tick as a couple. I want to also mention, before we start getting into all the goods, we are far from perfect. We have had fights, I have thrown him an attitude, he has given me the silent treatment, but it’s all about how we finish the night. I refuse to leave until things are settle and thankfully he does the same thing. WE DO NOT have it all figured out and our way of handling things may not work for you, but these are 5 things that work for us:
1. God is first.
We are going to cut to the chase here, the reason why we are even on this earth, is because of the Creator in Heaven. We both choose to serve him and put him as the focal point in our relationship. Now there were a few years we were really bad at putting God first, it was more about us being first and not about God being first, and we can definitely tell you that there is a difference. My favorite thing to do is pray over Seth at night. I love to lay my hands on him and pray for protection, healing, and prosperity. So that way when he leaves for work everyday, in the morning, I know God is with him, because I asked him to be there.
2. Don’t just love each other, like each other.
When you get married, you have chosen someone to live with, to raise kids with, to laugh with, to have a million animals with, to have a life with, etc. I take pride in Seth and I not only loving each other, but liking each other. He is my best friend and I know I am his, because he told me (so I am not making this up.) I think being friends with your spouse is a good way to go through life together. I honestly think it makes things more fun.
3. It’s not about you anymore.
People say it is not about you anymore when you start having kids, while this is true, it is also true that it shouldn’t have been just about you, since the day you started your marriage. Marriage is a “team sport,” it is a big ol’ alley-oop. One person does their part and throws up the pass and the other should be there ready to try and slam-dunk the rest. Sometimes your partner will miss and you know what that is okay, because sometimes you will miss too, but the best part about it is, you have your teammate there to back you up.
4. Don’t expect them to give their all, if you are not going to give your all.
This one is key! I was at fault for a long time at doing this. I partially blame the fact I was 21 and dumb, but the biggest lesson I learned within the few months of marriage was this, if you are going to be lazy and expect your spouse to do it all, one of two things are going to happen:
1. They are going to get mad, then they turn into a ticking time bomb, and trust me they will explode.
2. They are going to secretly start resenting you.
So, take a step back and look at the whole picture. Are you doing everything possible to take care of your spouse? Are you expecting them to do it all? Are you doing 25% to their 75%? If you are slacking here is my advice to you, pick up the slack. I, for awhile, unknowingly expected Seth to do everything. I was blind to what I was doing. I hate thinking back on the first few months of our marriage because I know how awful I was at being a wife. I am still not perfect, but I am a heck of a lot better now, than I was then. When I started picking up my end of the rope, I saw a difference in my husband, a good difference. When I started to pick up a little extra, somedays, I noticed he would pick up a little extra somedays. That is when I came to the conclusion, I was pointing fingers at him, when I should of been pointing fingers at myself.
5. Know each others love language.
I never really knew how important this was until recently, it is a game changer. Knowing each others love language. My love language is words of affirmation. Seth’s love language is acts of service. It is so important to know these, because if you have a quiet husband like mine, he isn’t one to say a whole lot. I am definitely the talker and because my language is words of affirmation, that’s how I was letting him know that I loved him, and even though he was appreciating those words, he wasn’t getting the full affect. When I learned that doing things with or for him, was how he felt my love, it was a game changer. For example, he loves when I do chores with him. Even if I don’t physically lift a finger, he just wants me with him. Another good thing about knowing what makes each other tick is, even though “words” aren’t Seth’s strong points, I can tell he has been working on remembering, that him telling me how proud he is or that he appreciates me, fills my cup.
So, there it is. My first advice to readers on marriage. (lol still makes me laugh, because really, no one has a clue on what they are doing when it comes to living life with someone.) It is all about knowing each other and not making yourself the focus. You need to raise each other up. Cheer each other on. Life is hard and you need to be able to lean on each other when the storms come. Also, we need to remember we each have roles. As a woman, I am made to do the things my husband cannot and as a man, he is made to do things I cannot. God created both, man and woman, to balance each other out. So make sure you are using those special gifts you were given, in your marriage as well.
Much Love,
Kylie
Genesis 2:18 “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Ephesians 5:25-27 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.”
Matthew 19:4-6 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
